A sudden self-revelation

I guess it wasn't until now that I've realized a lot of things; Things that I just didn't really listen to or try to understand. I have to see that I always persist that I'm right and they're wrong.

But now I've seen that I was the one who was wrong a lot of those times.

My self-proclaimed "victories" were nothing more than childish ignorance.




From said childish ignorance, it's interpreting some of the words my mother has just spoken to me into an indirect stab to the heart:

I am apparently a stupid embarrassment who doesn't even learn anything in school.



.......... I guess it's somewhat true, as much as I'd hate to admit.

She also said that I say I'll do something but never do anything to make sure I get it.


That's mostly true.



There are some things that I really do put a lot of effort into, but...


Now I see that I never actually put in all of my effort or actually try to make a strategy to become better. I've been lazing off a lot. I've never paid attention to anything important said to me because I was too spoiled and stubborn to listen. Not to mention my quick temper.



Sure, I could say all this.

I could say what flaws are apparent. But that doesn't mean a thing unless I actually change myself and do what needs to be done when the time comes.



The next 2 years are the most critical for me.


If I can't even make it through this....




How could I expect to become anything in my life?



In all honesty







I'm terrified.